I’m now pretty much all moved in to my shiny new house. It’s quite a bit further in towards the city than I had been, although still decidedly stuck in genuine suburbia – it cuts about 30 minutes off my journey to work (and the same home again). It’s a lovely little place, and it’s the house that once Paulie moves out, will become the first house that Rebecca and I live in once we’ve gone and done the whole wedding thing.

So – all nice and lovely so far. I moved in on Saturday, and polished things off on Sunday, after a rude shock at not having a warm shower – couldn’t work out the hot water service so I left it at that. Then I came home Sunday night after going to see Eagle vs Shark (best New Zealand film ever – very, very funny) at the Melbourne International Film Festival we got back with the plan of cooking some delicious pasta to a rude awakening. The gas stovetop wasn’t working. Suddenly the ducks all lined up in my mind: no hot water with an uncooperative hot water system and no gas stovetop equals no gas connected. I pottered around aimlessly trying to find my gas tap and turn it on, but had no luck whatsoever. My gas was not coming on.

That’s OK, we’ll have something else to eat. I’m a resourceful sort of a chap, and despite not having a microwave, I’m able to try other things. I’d already bought some fruit bread, and I’ve got that lovely shiny new toaster I got for my birthday all those months ago that’s just waiting to be tried out. But no. The toaster was doing a good impression of my gas stovetop and my hot water system and not working. Worse, there was a yucky smell emanating from the shiny new toaster that indicated that keeping on trying was not a desirable course of action. So I didn’t. We ordered some take away pasta from the nearby haunt and pretended to be happy. At least we could sort this out tomorrow.

Tried contacting the real estate agent and got a voicemail, left a message asking what was likely to be going on with my connections given that I was pretty sure that the bit I’d signed on my rental application saying that my connections to utility companies would be nice and sorted without me needing to worry about a thing should have solved all of my problems. Lo and behold, 30 minutes later and I get a call not from my real estate agent but instead from the “connections R us” type people asking for all of the details about connecting me up to all the lovely utility companies they have on their books.

No problem, I said, and patiently listened as my friend on the phone told tales of electricity prices and gas prices and advised me that I probably just needed to find my gas tap and everything would be alright, and with the thought that I’d recollected something that was almost certainly that very gas-tap; I sat back safe in the knowledge that I’d almost certainly be able to cook for myself tonight, and shower at home tomorrow morning.

I walked in the gate and saw off to the left (the one place I hadn’t checked out properly), that there sat what was almost certainly the gas tap I was searching for, and sure enough, that tap was sitting in the “off” position. “Silly duffer, that’s always the way” I calmly thought to myself as I unlocked the door, stepped inside and blithely flicked my fingers over the light switches. Nothing. I tried a few others. Still nothing. So now I more than likely had plenty of gas, but the complete absence of any electrical activity was disappointing to say the least. I made the call through to the “Connections R Us” (not their real name – it’s not their screw up so the name has been changed to protect the innocent) and they’ve now called back to assure me that before 9 I should have power back on and life should return to normal.

Which brings you up to date with the situation I find myself in at current: sitting here not feeling guilty about stealing someone else’s wireless, well and truly past the point of annoyance, now just able to see the hilarity in the whole situation. Bec’s had to go to her place to sort out dinner, while I represent a picture of irony: the peak of modern technology at my fingertips as I surf the net on a MacBook Pro, all the while denied the pleasures of the simple light globe.