TheGeoffRe(y)port

…you need to do something to reinforce that you’re a tough team. Coming off winning the wooden spoon and disgracing the jumper in our biggest ever defeat - we need to do something that fixes that idea in people’s minds. Something to restore the image of a “fighting fury” - that picture of a fearsome and rough as guts team that harks back to the era of Captain Blood. So the Tiges got out there and we……..

…signed a sponsorship deal with a haircare line. The press-release below has my opinion annotated in italics below. You can see the unadulterated version on the Richmond website:

Richmond Football Club has announced that Matrix Men (part of the L’Oreal group - well at least they’re a nice manly company like “L’Oreal”) will join the Club as a sponsor for the 2008 season.

Richmond’s CEO Steven Wright said, “We are delighted to have Matrix on-board as a new partner and the official shorts sponsor of the Club.

“Matrix has long been regarded as a pacesetter in the salon professional industry in the USA and it is now making significant inroads throughout Australia.

“With Matrix’s growing focus on men’s hair care and grooming, there’s an ideal opportunity for it to promote product awareness via the strong Richmond brand.” - and lets face it, if there’s something the “Richmond brand” needs - it’s to be associated with prettying yourself up.

Brent Durrant, General Manager for Matrix Australia says, “Matrix Men is excited to support one of the most well established teams in the Australian Football League (AFL). Richmond’s strong tradition, heritage and support system epitomise the values of Matrix.

“To the best of my knowledge, this level of sponsorship is a first for a hair care brand in the hairdressing industry - I wonder if there’s any reason for that - and Matrix Men is the perfect fit. Not only will the players look great on and off the field, it provides a perfect opportunity for the Matrix brand to be communicated to a broad audience.”

Nathan Brown, Mark Coughlan, Brett Deledio and Andrew Raines are ambassadors for the company’s Style Control System range. - we already have a “style control system”, it’s called “Shane Tuck’s Face”. No danger of any style getting out of control with Tucky around.

I realise that this post will probably serve to further marginalise the people who have started coming on here to read about the wedding, but I couldn’t let this go by uncommented. With pretty boy moves like this, it could only be a matter of time before we switch black for brown, and go for a vertical stripe pattern.

Dear Geelong,

I realise that I have not been your greatest advocate. I understand that throughout this year I have taken a great deal of pleasure in relaying my belief that you would choke in late September, and that you might not really be the “real deal”. I confess I’ve even offered up scorn to the selection of Mooney and Milburn in the All Australian side. Understand that this is partly because you have hurt me - both in demolishing the shell of a team that the Tiges have been this year, and through Gary Ablett Snr’s nasty habit of kicking 15 goals or more against the yeller and black back in the bad old days.

But as hard as it might be to believe: I like you. I think you play a beautiful style of footy, and I’ve enjoyed watching you play this season. You have restored the respectability of this great footballing state, and proven that attacking football can win big games. There is no doubt in my mind that I’ll be wishing on the blue and white this weekend, rather than that self-absorbed arrogant mob from Alberton.

So it is in the spirit of reconciliation and friendship that I make this one, heartfelt request:

Please, PLEASE.

Don’t choke

Yours Sincerely,

Geoff Matheson - Lover of all good things in football and disliker of the size of Mark Williams’ head.

There has been very few occasions to celebrate this season. But if we’ve managed to cost Collingwood either their spot in the top 4, or even better: their spot in the top 8 then at least we can know that this season hasn’t been a complete waste of time. Deledio has kicked 5 goals and in a rare moment of actually trying something from Terry Wallace: we threw Polak forward at the opening bounce and the only man holding the tigers together at the moment (Nathan Foley - what a star) delivered to him beautifully.

You’d take a win over Collingwood as fair trade for three wins of other sides.
A rare moment of joy in a horrific car-crash of a season.
GO TIGES!

Last night I gave Rebecca the opportunity to see Richmond take on Geelong (and by inference, to see how I act at football games). Unfortunately, the Richmond football club rebelled, and in what can only be considered a protest at the forced retirement of club stalwart Darren Gaspar, denied my love the opportunity the chance to watch anything which could be in any way described as football.

Words can’t express how bad the team was: but there has never been a bigger loss for the Tiges than last night. The disappointing part is that players like Joel Bowden, who is unlikely to have played a worse game in his entire career, will likely still be bestowed with the wholly undeserved privilege of wearing the very same jumper they have disgraced so carelessly. I really do like Terry Wallace - but if he coaches our team to another defeat above 100 points than I cannot see a way for him to continue in a senior coaching role. Anywhere

Well, my tips are already in trouble (2 for the week) - congratulations to Sam (Meika) and Rodney who are in the lead on 5. Must admit, I thought that I’d tipped the Magpies and I really should have picked the Saints. And I’m a fool for being surprised that the Tiges got done by filthy Carlton - looks like one of my predictions has come true already.

With the dawn of a new AFL Season approaching, I thought it appropriate (given that the old man and I have got a membership this year) to take some time out to pass on some valuable predictions on what the season 2007 might look like for the Mighty yeller and black.

Richo (Matthew Richardson) to spend half the season on the sidelines. The big, dumb and ugly one is just losing the fight against retirement. I love him, and hope he’s got a couple more seasons in that tired old body. But I can’t see him gracing the field for more than 10 or 11 games this year.

Shane Tuck to win Richmond’s Best and Fairest. He’s quickly becoming the sole representative of consistency in a violently inconsistent midfield. As long as Patrick Bowden stops feeding brother Joel exhorbitant amounts of leather, Tucky should take it this year.

Terry Wallace to write off a thrashing as a “learning experience” and “good for the team”. Don’t get me wrong. I love Wally. But sometimes the crap that spouts from the senior coach’s mouth just makes you want to collapse in incredulity. For the past 3 years we’ve been allowing the Tiges to get off with pathetic efforts because we’re “such a young list”. And given that it seems to be working well for Tiger Terry, I can’t see the line changing just yet.

A big win against a team much better than us. It seems that every year the Tiges manage to get up over some pretty tough opposition including last year’s shock win over (then premiership favourites) the Crows.

A big loss over a team we are much better than. The inevitable baggage that goes with being giant killers is that you then end up getting beaten by a team who shouldn’t be able to make your reserves. So Round 1 against the navy blues is probably a danger game for us.

All in all, the prediction you’re really waiting for……. the Tiges will probably finish

9th.

It’s footy season again. And it’s the time to startup footy tipping comps, and as always I’m definitely one to blindly follow an emerging trend. So here’s your opportunity to tip against the other regular readers on here. Join up at footytips.com.au and join TheGeoffRe(y)port competition by following this link, and you can tip against as many people as join. You never know, as long as I win, there’ll probably even be a prize.

Once every year, I pretend to be a little bit of an American, and follow along with the sporting event (although some of the hoo-hah stops looking like sport anymore) that stops all of America - the Superbowl. This one is number 41 - thus XLI. I’m going for the Chicago Bears, mostly because the Indianapolis Colts are all about their star quarterback: Peyton Manning. And nobody likes a star quarterback. But at about halfway through the 3rd quarter and the Bears look in a lot of trouble: 19 - 14. GO BEARS!

Update: Yeah, it got worse. Wouldn’t want to be Rex Grossman right now, he’s put in one of the worst performances from a quarterback that I’ve ever seen in my extensive NFL watching lifetime.

Shane Warne is a poet with the cricket ball. Mike Hussey can do no wrong. Most days I’m glad that I’m Australian, not English, but today it is particularly nice.

How could it be? England falls apart - theage.com.au

Well it might not be the Tiges in it this year (or any year for that matter), and once again it’s an all infidel interstate team grand final, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t still interest in the last weekend of September. So gazing into the giant crystal ball (or is that just Barry Hall’s head), here are the tips for this years spectacular.

Decent Chance To Happen

• Barry Hall to wipe someone out - No other team has gone the whole year without getting a player suspended: I reckon that’s a lot of built-up agression just begging to be taken out on the Weagles.
• Nick Davis to score a sneaky goal - You’ve gotta dislike small forwards. They score opportunistic goals and then strut around like they own the place. Nick Davis - case in point.
• Juddy to play a blinder - He would have taken home “Charlie” if not for a few weeks off with injury. Absolute superstar, and is likely to show Adam Goodes why he’s still the better player
• West Coast to win - Big Dean (no, wait, that’s not right) jokes aside - the Eagles look a better outfit than they did this time last year.

Absolute Certainties

• Channel Ten to talk themselves up - They do like to give themselves a pat on the back. Not exactly sure why: Tim Lane and Anthony Hudson are the only things that channel has going for them. Perhaps Blighty on a good day.
• Michael O’Loughlin to cop heaps if he misses one - Mickey had a Norman-esque choke last year in the big one - if he sprays his first shot it’ll be on for young and old
• Ruckman jokes - Cox and Jolly. Like shooting fish in a barrel
• A close game - These two teams have had some epic battles of late - there’s no good reason for this to be anything but.

Would Like To See

• Goals - Don’t get me wrong, last years game was a classic. But it’d be nice to see the ball go through the big sticks once or twice
• Barry Hall to kick a bag - He’s good, bad and ugly all in one. What’s not to love?
• A “Jesaulenko, you beauty” moment - There should be a defining image for every grand final. And it’d be good if Leo Barry would keep his eyes open this year.
• All three Sydney captains get up for the losing captains speech - All the press has been about who would go pick up the cup, but who’s going to get up there if they lose?
• A Sydney win - I know this contradicts the last point, but who really wants to see the Eagles pinch it? Not me.