TheGeoffRe(y)port

Jesus Tries to Save Your Soul But Windows Stops Him - Gizmodo Australia

Religious slogans suck. So does Windows.  But laughing at them doesn’t.

When your pedicurist is a fish - International Herald Tribune

Sorry, I don’t know if it’s just me, but as someone who’s never had a pedicure in all my life - this would make me think about it. Because it’s just so freaking hilarious! From the article:

Customer Patsy Fisher, 42, admitted she was nervous as she prepared for her first fish pedicure. But her apprehension dissolved into laughter after she put her feet in the tank and the fish swarmed to her toes.

“It’s a little ticklish, actually,” she said.

Ho said the hot water in which the fish thrive doesn’t support much plant or aquatic life, so they learned to feed on whatever food sources were available — including dead, flaking skin. They leave live skin alone because, without teeth, they can’t bite it off.

There you have it: the fish pedicure. Somewhere between the beautician’s dream, and everyone’s nightmares.

South Korean television footage shot at a dress rehearsal this week breached the secrecy surrounding the Beijing Olympic Games’ opening ceremony and offered a first glimpse of the elaborate production.

Spoiler alert: Viewers can expect a dramatic countdown, giant whales, an illuminated globe and performers flying above the audience.

Secret’s out about opening ceremony of Beijing Games - International Herald Tribune

Did anybody else hear about this and think that this is possibly the poorest attempt at a spoiler in the history of the world? A big countdown. Giant whales. An illuminated globe and performers that fly around the stadium. What is it, some kind of opening ceremony?

THE Round 19 Geelong-Melbourne clash will begin five minutes earlier to allow Channel Seven to show the Olympics’ opening ceremony.

The start time for the match, which will be played at the MCG on Friday August 8, has been brought forward five minutes to 7.05pm.

At first Channel Seven was going to just leave it be, but recent results have suggested that the first five minutes could be the only time the match remains competitive.

Olympics force time change | Herald Sun.

Well sure, when the Japanese haul in a whale for “scientific purposes”, we’re all sceptical. But we find ourselves a Giant Squid, but apparently nobody was thinking “calamari”.

Although to be fair…

A 245kg giant squid, unwittingly caught by fisherman off the coast of Portland in May and dissected at Melbourne Museum today, would have made calamari rings the size of BMX tyres, but because of ammonia pods in the squid, it would have tasted like window cleaner, according to the museum’s deputy head of science (marine zoology), Mark Norman.

Giant squid a huge attraction | theage.com.au.

“Window cleaner” - in that case I’m pretty sure I’ve been served giant squid before.

The squid turned out to be a female, which they could only find out once they’d had a dig inside. Apparently this made the entire discovery more interesting for them, but I personally reckon they just didn’t want to have to think about this interesting fact:

Male giant squids have a penis of one-and-a-half metres, which they use like a nail gun, with the sperm placed under the skin of the females in their tentacles and head, Dr Norman said.

Who comes up with these descriptions? “Like a nail gun”. Too funny.

I thought the cartoon on the right was interesting, given the recent excitement over on Bec’s blog.

(Cartoon from xkcd)

Google, google, on the screen

Who’s the most famous Geoff you’ve seen?

Well. In the land of Oz, that can only be the number one result for the search term “Geoff” from google.com.au. Which at the moment is - “TheGeoffRe(y)port”. It’s a bit of a laugh really, it seems to me that there should be a whole bunch of sites that would be better served as the number 1 for that particular search term. But hey, while it lasts - why not point it out.

Many of you who meander around the musings of my mesmerisingly magnificent Rebecca will understand the monumental mission that managing the initial ceremonial milestone of matrimony can morph into. Without a doubt, the marriage milieu can become magnified beyond most matter of fact measures. Plus there’s all that alliteration to worry about…

Small talk with anyone I haven’t spoken with for more than a few weeks always begins with: “How’s the wedding preparation going?” Now there’s a question without an interesting answer if ever I heard one. Because as much as people are asking out of genuine concern and interest, the truth is that they don’t really care that you’re tossing and turning about whether you want native flowers or non-natives, will serve those delicious little whatevers and blah, blah blah. And I understand, because I have a problem: I have to try really hard to have an opinion.

I know the things that I like about weddings: the service reflects the people, the venue isn’t too hideous, likewise the wedding party’s attire and good food at a reception. After that, it’s minor details. Would I have ever noticed flowers in a wedding? Not really. Have I ever thought about what colour I’d want my suit to be? Probably not more than once or twice.

It’s not a lack of caring. Bec’s been amazing in wanting to make sure that I have input into all the decisions being made, and I really want to do this thing together, not have Bec wear most of the load. But I look at two pictures of flowers, and that’s exactly what I see. Two pictures of flowers. Experience says that flowers make things look prettier. Some flowers fail at that, others do particularly well. That’s as far as my opinions on flowers go, and it’s a real effort to get any more out of me.

Ah, the tribulations of the wedding preparation

The story got a little bit worse before it got better. With electricity restored and gas on, I went to try the hot water tap on the off chance that the hot water system had magically taken care of itself. Worse. Not only wasn’t hot water coming out of the tap, there wasn’t any kind of water coming out of my tap. By now the situation was laughable. So after a call back to my connections guy who gave me the water company guy’s phone number, we worked out that they never turn off the water, and that it must have been turned off by “someone else”. A quick scout around the house (after the guy explained the two different meters I needed to check), I found out that in my (much) earlier attempts at turning my gas on had in actual fact switched off my water. And with the gas and water both pumping, the hot water system became significantly more cooperative and I was able to complete the trifecta.

So as we speak this morning (this is being written offline on a train), I’ve woken up to hear my alarm (electricity) and had a warm (gas) shower (water) and so now all that needs to happen is for my phone to go online so that I can sort out the internet stuff and then we’re away.

P.S - Any recounting of the evening would be incomplete without a mention of the unbelievable Lemon and Honey Chicken served up by the very patient, calming and beautiful Rebecca, who put up with an awful lot and showed another reason why she’s really way out of my league.