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Top 7 reasons I’m glad that I’m not a goat
7. You get seriously ripped off in the warmth stakes
When you think of animals that live in the mountains, you think of mountain leopards, polar bears, you know – the types of animals that get seriously good warmth. What does a mountain goat get? About as much hair as a hippy of mediterranean descent. Sure it’s nice that you’ve got some – but it’s certainly not going to keep me warm in the long cold night!
6. I’ve never been able to pull off facial hair
No, you cannot see the photographic evidence. Sideburns are about the only thing I can make look even remotely acceptable, and there have been a few really concerted attempts. But a goatee, no chance.
5. Female goats are at least good for milk, but I’m certainly not a female.
Ever think that men have a rough trot in this life. Of course you have – it’s universally acknowledged. But that’s nothing compared to being a male goat. So can you imagine how much the girl goats would be giving you trouble for the fact that you can’t even make goats cheese? A lot
4. I’d lose headbutting competitions
I’ve never really been much of a headbutter. I think it mostly comes from having an enormous nose that bleeds a lot. But the only way goats can even defend themselves is to charge headfirst. What kind of an attack is that?
3. Little kids don’t even know what noise a goat makes
Sure, maybe if you get a really smart one they might come up with “bleat”, but even then – what kind of a noise is bleat? A pathetic little whining wimpy noise. Possibly the most pathetic attempt at a noise in the entire animal kingdom. Who wants to be the laughing stock of the farmyard when little Billy can’t even work out how to call out to you?
2. Two words: “Goat Curry”
Ever eaten Goat Curry? I know I certainly have. And with very good reason. It’s absolutely delicious. Ohhhh yeah. And I know that I’m not the only one. Call me a whinger, but the prospect of being cut down (and sliced and diced) in the prime of my life isn’t really my idea of a career.
1. In the words of Cake (and perhaps some other guy) “Sheep go to heaven….”
“…. goats go to hell”.
No gnashing of teeth for me, thankyou very much.
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8 Comments
Thanks for a liht moment there Geoff! I was expecting to see the Cake song make it into list of why being a goat would er… get your goat.
yup. bec and i read this yesterday, and i still am sitting here going….. and?
bec said you were probably bored at work.
ciao Geoffie!
You mean you haven’t ever just sat there and thought “Gee, tell you what – I’m glad I’m not a goat”?
And I was bored on the TRAIN thankyou very much!
potentially you are still going ‘…and?’ Sam, because I clicked that link when you weren’t watching closely.
I confess, I did find it a bit strange.
HA! Maybe it’s worth it for the google ads.
“Goat Milk Soap Base”
Directory of goat’s milk soap. Find goat’s milk soap quickly.
just what I always wanted!
I’m personally very fond of goats as my family will attest, Geoff.
They have a sort of stubborn patheticness that appeals to me for some reason.We see a family of three goats that I greet every morning on the way down York Rd on the way to school, and they have even been given names. We(being Em, Han and I) create imaginary and sometimes evil scenarios for them ( the current one is imagining the 2 geese that live nearby, being impaled on the impressive horns of the male -who is known as Hornsby).
Weird, I know. I would like to own a goat one day-so no more anti goat posts please!
Dad would never agree to that.
I don’t get it… goats!
Nobody pulls off facial hair.
It’s very painful and makes you sneeze.
That’s why some people shave instead. But if you don’t, you get to be called hirsute. And puff a pipe. And wear a tweed jacket with elbow patches. what, ho? Jolly good.