Being defined by relationships

Have just had an amazing weekend, especially after a beautiful wedding on Saturday. Mark (my housemate) and Jamie (who I’ve known for about 8 years) did it almost exactly how I’d want a wedding to go. It was beautiful. Was just an amazing time and really honoured the two of them and all of the people who have been a part of their lives. I loved it!

And I had some conversations with people that got me thinking about something I once heard someone preach on. To lots of the people at the wedding, if they knew me at all, they knew me as Mark’s housemate. I’ve met lots of Mark’s family and schoolmates and the like, and for them, “I’m one of the house boys”. And given that both Mark and Jay come from our church, lost of the people there know me as “Ron and Anne’s son” (despite the fact that I’ve been a part of the church for 8 and a half years). Which is quite nice too, I’m pretty proud of who mum and dad are, and they are gtood people to be associated so closely with in people’s minds.

Just recently, there are obviously some people (although not many really) who know me only as a blogger (and a sport-obsessed nerdy one at that). I’ve also been introduced to a few people who would know me as “one of Bec’s church friends” (and a big hi to any of Bec’s Gush friends, if you’re reading!). Which is (only very gradually) bringing me around to my point, which is thinking about the extent to which we are defined by how we relate to other people.

It’s an interesting thought – and one that I actually think I’ve heard preached on once: the person (and I have no idea who it was) was saying that basically we are defined as a person by who we are in relationship with. They were then relating it back to being defined by our relationship with God (which I’m more than happy to accept on face value). But I wonder to what extent is it true: how much do we value ourselves based on who we have connections with, and to what extent is that healthy?

It has become particularly pertinent to me in that for the next 6 months Mark will be gone. Marko is one of those charismatic personalities, and so being connected so closely with him has actually been a really beneficial thing for me: people often dropped in at our house, or tended to hang out with us because Marko is a fun person to be around. And to a certain extent my (not complete but still noticeable) lack of social confidence has been compensated for by being Mark’s friend. And at times that hasn’t been the smartest thing to be doing. But sometimes that has been part of us both bringing something into our friendship – which has been a good thing.

So I’m not sure about the idea. Like most conclusions on this blog – it’s finding where the balance lies. And a big hi to all the people over the weekend who told me they’d got on here – Tim, Grandpa, Granny, Uncle Tim, Aunty Marilyn, Susannah (the engineering student), and anyone that I’ve left out. Hopefully I won’t offend any of you, or if I do, hopefully it’s for good reasons .