I’m in a pretty funny place at the moment. Happenings in the wider world are making me really reconsider were life’s at right now, and the fact of the matter is I haven’t even really started to properly process exactly what it’s all likely to mean. It’s never easy when people shift away and take a different path, it’s hard not to feel neglected. Even though you know that it’s stupid. Even though you know that you’re not even remotely behind their decision. Even when it’s the best possible thing for the person.

My housemate is getting married. We’ve been really close for the past three or so years. Lived together for about two and a half of them. We were living together when they first got together. I remember how excited he was before their first date. I remember him agonising after they’d had their first fight. The day they got engaged I’d been in meetings all day at work and had about 4 missed calls, and got the message in the middle of a meeting, but still let out a quiet little “ripper” when I heard they’d got engaged.

But I’m left behind. In less than a month he’ll be married, and I’ll be moving back with mum and dad not long after until I sort something else out for living arrangements. That period of my life will be over. We’ve shared a time that won’t be coming back. And I’m still where I was. Sure things have changed but I’m still here. And I can start to see where my defence mechanisms have kicked in. Whereas in the past we’ll bag each other out every second comment, I’ve just kicked it up a gear. The comments are getting a little bit less playful and a little bit more hurtful. Not enough for him to say anything. Just enough to put in a bit of safety distance. Because I’m sick of being left behind.